心结

They say life is fragile.  One minute you are present, alive and breathing; the next you are no longer living.  Such swift transition causes those left behind to suffer through the aftermath.  we keep those who are no longer here very close to our hearts.  When left alone, we draw out the hidden memories and reminisce over them.  Little by little, these images and memories becomes vague and eventually fades.  We begin to put in more effort and frantically grasp on to what is left of these fading memories - a smile on a happy occasion, bits of conversations,  advices, a familiar smell, a particular habit.  At the same time, we realise that the people who suffered such loss like us but to a lesser degree have started to forget. Wanting them to continue to remember, we make attempts to bring them up.  We want others to talk about them.  To continue to remember.  After all, the only thing left of the dead is the memories of others.  When these memories fade, what little existence of the dead after death too vanishes.  

In some instances, we hold on to the belongings left behind.  Something that meant little in the first instance suddenly becomes valuable.  We hold on to them for dear life and when we start to forget, we go back to them to help us remember.  Sometimes, due to unforeseen circumstances, we lose these items and when that happens, it can feel like we have lost something of great significance.  Something that can never be replaced.  People will tell you that these items lost are just worldly goods but they do not realise the significance of these particular items.  What is viewed as a plain old box by others can be something of tremendous value to a particular person.  

It has been so long.  Sometimes i struggle to remember you.  To remember the things that you have told me.  Your existence feels like a distant dream.  I lost something you gave me a long time ago today.  That was actually the last thing I have left of you and it felt like I had lost you all over again.  Even though we do not talk about you now, I still think of you.  I would wonder how life would be if you were still living.  You would have seen me graduate.  You would have had a family.  You would have been proud of me.  You would have been proud of all of us.  Even if others have forgotten you, know that I have not.  I have nothing left of you to hold on to now.  However, I will rely on what is left of my memories and continue to remember.